Always an angel, never a god
The world is hell.
That's the sentence I've written every time I've tried to sit down and write about the everything outside of myself.
I teach my writing students to notice when they're "clearing their throat" in their writing. It's a preamble they have to get down in order to get to the good stuff. Sometimes it’s one sentence, sometimes it’s whole paragraphs or even chapters. Less experienced writers think they have to leave it in because they get attached to it being the thing that got them to the good stuff. They think it’s part of the whole. But it's just what they need to exorcise before they can really speak.
I take absolute delight in cutting my throat clearing. I'm thrilled when I find it.
But this one can't be cleared. And I don’t know how to write past it.
The world is hell.
(It is also good. But lately the scales feel so heavy one way and I don't know what to do other than touch flowers and feed the birds and share meals with my friends and refuse to go hard.)
I found this podcast episodes from Tara Brach — Four Spiritual Inquiries: Finding Heart Wisdom in Painful Times — profoundly helpful.
The rest of this is going to be about the inside myself stuff. Maybe that might help to read right now. Maybe you save it for later. Maybe you crumple it up.
Whatever you do, I love you. We’re all connected. All of us.
And if you’re a soft, open being who has been riddled by the word “sensitive” used against you your whole life, I especially love you. We’re meant to feel this big when there is this much hurt. All of us. It is right to be brought to your knees right now.
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